How?!

How, in this night of solitude,
Could I rethink my futile chase,
Let truth's awakening embrace
Renew my mind and attitude?!

How could I grasp my tragic fall
And praise my raising from the dead,
All boasts in my achievements dread
And see my merits ill and small?!

How could I listen when I hear
And let my acts to speak my words,
Instead of seeking crowd's awards
Outbrave the slavery of fear?!

By what infallible, good means
Could I defy all human laws,
And pluck my mind from devil's claws
That hatches deep its many sins?!

How could I kill my shallowness
And stop throwing all pearls to pigs,
Remove from essence masks and wigs
And value world’s thin surface less?!

Could it be possible to win
Exhaustive battles with our flesh,
When feeding hungry souls with trash
And choose to have well-nourished skin?!

How could I let you take control
Not asking it back the next day,
Putting a seal on what I say
So that my words with care would roll?!

How could I thank when pains gnaw deep
And trust my God when comfort fades,
Or keep away from harmful trades
And in wealth’s arms not fall asleep?!

Could I one day for ever shun
The prostitution of my soul
With awkward gods, unapt and dull,
That promise much and offer none?!

How could I find myself in You,
By not looking for You in me,
But aiming for eternity
To know Your love, forever new?!

How could I do Lord all these things?!
Decrepitude governs my will.
My mind knows all, but I stand still,
And standing ever no fruit brings!

Meanwhile, I’m staring at the sky,
Defeated, begging my beliefs
To leave away all ‘whys’ and ‘ifs’
Still wondering Lord… how could I?